Undisclosed Desire
by memoriesofdarkness
Summary: He stops. Takes a long and drawn out breath. Then he looks directly at where I'm standing. I know very well that he can't see me. But that's never stopped him from sensing where I am. He knows I'm here. He always does. Like I always do when he does the same. Set in post canon. Sasunaru. Yaoi. Oneshot.


**A/N:** I initially wanted to make some progress on 'My Neighbor's Friend'. Believe me, that's what I had in mind when I sat down to write.

But this came out instead *sheepish smile*  
I guess my Sasunaru feels are high at the moment XD  
Oh, and the title is inspired from 'Undisclosed Desire' by Muse. Only the title, not the story! XP

 **Summary:** He stops. Takes a long and drawn out breath. Then he looks directly at where I'm standing. I know very well that he can't see me. But that's never stopped him from sensing where I am. He knows I'm here. He always does. Like I always do when he does the same.

I watch – holding my breath – as he stares at my direction. The mask he usually wears slips off. All his pain, all his torment, all his yearning – he bares everything for me to see.

Enjoy! ^_^

* * *

 _ **Part 1: Sasuke**_

I watch him from afar.

He looks the same as always. Sunshine hair, olive skin, cerulean eyes. Wearing the usual back pants and orange shirt, with the Hokage cloak draped over his shoulders. He's smiling. To untrained eyes, it will look like his usual cheerful smile with teeth flashing and eyes crinkling. But I know better. I see what they don't. The tiredness behind that smile, the exhaustion behind those eyes. Nothing goes unnoticed.

After all, I'm the one who knows him the best.

He's returned home after a long day at the Hokage office. Taking the burden of the whole village, being responsible for its every course of action – it's not an easy task in any way. I know, because I'd once decided to shoulder this burden myself. I know because I've seen my own brother sacrifice everything for its sake, even though he neither had the title, nor the respect. So I understand him, more than anyone else. I understand his pain, his exhaustion. Parts of himself that he hides from the world. Parts of himself that he's ashamed of.

I know him better than that woman currently talking to him in front of their house. His wife, the blue haired beauty. Don't get me wrong. I have no personal grudge against her. Nor do I doubt her love for him. But the fact that she has more right on him than I do – even though I'm the one who should be by his side, not her – pisses me off.

Well, who am I kidding? He's the one who should be by my side. And yet, I've given that place to someone else. I'm in no place to complain when I'm guilty of the same crime.

"Dad!"

I watch as he bends down and opens his arms for his kids. A boy and a girl. The boy looks just like him when he was younger. The girl, a splitting image of her mother. They jump into his arms. He looks happy. I know that look. It speaks of satisfaction, and gratitude. I know because I feel the same way whenever I look at my daughter. I may not show my affection so openly like he does, but that doesn't mean I don't feel it.

We may have chosen the wrong persons to spend the rest of our lives with, but one thing we don't regret is having these beautiful little angels.

Something we could never give each other.

It eases the pain a little, I suppose. But still it remains. Like an age old wound, a dull ache deep inside. We nurture it. So much that now it's become a part of our very self.

Why did we choose this path? We both knew what we felt for each other. Then why?

~.~.~.

" _The Hokage is supposed to have a normal family. The people of this village are still bounded by traditional lifestyle. They won't accept a leader with… unusual preference."_

" _But Kakashi sensei…!"_

" _You either choose him, or the village."_

~.~.~.

He would've chosen me. But I knew how much it meant to him. Being Hokage. Getting acknowledged. If I hadn't known, we could've been together.

But like I said, I know him the best.

So here I stand. Hiding in shadows and watching him while my heart burns with longing. He gets up and motions for his kids to go inside. They give him a toothy grin before running back, hand in hand. I see him talking to his wife again. Then the two of them also start walking towards the entrance. His wife gets in first. He's about to go in, but I stand still. I know what will happen now.

He stops. Takes a long and drawn out breath. Then he looks directly at where I'm standing. I know very well that he can't see me. But that's never stopped him from sensing where I am. He knows I'm here. He always does. Like I always do when he does the same.

I watch – holding my breath – as he stares at my direction. The mask he usually wears slips off. All his pain, all his torment, all his yearning – he bares everything for me to see.

I watch.

It only lasts a moment. But it feels like an eternity before he turns his gaze away. I release the breath I'd been holding unconsciously. My body feels tired. I lean against a nearby wall as I see him walk inside and shut the door.

The walk back to my house is long and exhausting.

* * *

 _ **Part 2:**_ _ **Naruto**_

I watch him from afar.

He looks the same as always. Midnight hair, porcelain skin, obsidian eyes. Wearing the usual back pants and grey shirt, with a blue vest and a black cloak over it. His face is blank. To anyone, it will look like he's emotionless, or arrogant. But I know better. I see what they don't. The way his eyes stare at nothing and still observe everything, how his face remains expressionless even though he's more of an emotional person than I am. It took me years and years of being with him to be able to read the subtle lines hidden within his mask of nonchalance. Nothing goes unnoticed anymore.

After all, I'm the one who knows him the best.

He's returned home after a long mission. Hiding in the shadows and protecting the village from outside – it's not an easy task in any way. For months he has to stay away. From his own home, from his own people. A life among strangers, a life full of risk and loneliness. He endures all the pain, to protect the village his brother gave his life for. To atone for the sins he'd committed against it.

I know because I've seen it all. Him and his brother. The hatred that shaped him and the love that reformed him. The brother that left him alone and the brother that protected him. And I know how deeply he was affected. So I understand him, more than anyone else. I understand his pain, his exhaustion. Parts of himself that he hides from the world. Parts of himself that he's ashamed of.

I know him better than that woman currently talking to him in front of their house. His wife, the pink haired beauty. To think I once used to have a crush on her. Childhood crush that became pointless once I discovered the true meaning of love. And realized who I truly sought for. Ironic that it turned out to be her future husband. It's not like I doubt her love for him. Not at all. But the fact that she has more right on him than I do – even though I'm the one who should be by his side, not her – pisses me off.

Well, who am I kidding? He's the one who should be by my side. And yet, I've given that place to someone else. I'm in no place to complain when I'm guilty of the same crime.

"Papa!"

I watch as he bends down and greets his daughter with a smile. The girl has raven hair and onyx eyes, just like him. She's even mustered that bored look he used to have when we were her age. Although sometimes she can't suppress the sudden emotional outbursts. Probably inherited from her mother, I think while recalling all the bruises and black eyes I'd received from the pinkette.

He looks happy. I know that look. It speaks of satisfaction, and gratitude. I know because I feel the same way whenever I look at my kids. The only difference is – I show my affection openly and he doesn't. But we both know we're grateful for this blessing.

We may have chosen the wrong persons to spend the rest of our lives with, but one thing we don't regret is having these beautiful little angels.

Something we could never give each other.

It eases the pain a little, I suppose. But still it remains. Like an age old wound, a dull ache deep inside. We nurture it. So much that now it's become a part of our very self.

Why did we choose this path? We both knew what we felt for each other. Then why?

~.~.~.

" _The Uchiha clan will die along with you, unless you decide to get married and have successors."_

"…"

" _It's either him or your clan."_

~.~.~.

He would've chosen me. But I knew how much it meant to him. Restoring his clan. Keeping the name of the Uchiha alive. If I hadn't known, we could've been together.

But like I said, I know him the best.

So here I stand. Hiding in shadows and watching him while my heart burns with longing. He gets up and motions for his daughter to go inside. She nods turns around to walk back. I see him talking to his wife again. Then the two of them also start walking towards the entrance. His wife gets in first. He's about to go in, but I stand still. I know what will happen now.

He stops. Takes a long and drawn out breath. Then he looks directly at where I'm standing. I know very well that he can't see me. But that's never stopped him from sensing where I am. He knows I'm here. He always does. Like I always do when he does the same.

I watch – holding my breath – as he stares at my direction. The mask he usually wears slips off. All his pain, all his torment, all his yearning – he bares everything for me to see.

I watch.

It only lasts a moment. But it feels like an eternity before he turns his gaze away. I release the breath I'd been holding unconsciously. My body feels tired. I lean against a nearby wall as I see him walk inside and shut the door.

The walk back to my house is long and exhausting.

* * *

 _ **Part 3:**_ _ **Together**_

"Naruto…"

"Sasuke…"

They're free here. No responsibilities, no clans, no titles, no village. He's just Naruto. Not the husband of Hyuuga Hinata, not the father of Boruto and Himawari. And he's just Sasuke. Not the husband of Haruno Sakura, not the father of Uchiha Sarada.

They're Naruto and Sasuke. And they're madly and deeply in love with each other.

They stand in plain clothes. No Uchiha symbol, no Hokage cloak, no Konoha headband. Just two ordinary men.

They stare at each other. Taking in every single detail. Watching with love, and lust, and so many more unknown emotions. It's so intense that it melts their bones. They can feel it, taste it. The desperation, the anticipation.

They take a step closer.

Perhaps it's Sasuke who reaches out first. Or maybe Naruto. They don't really care. What matters to them now is the feel of the other's body against their own. The feel of those lips, the way those fingers brush against their sensitive spots, the sound of their ragged breathing.

They forget everything. Everything except each other. Even their own self.

It's the only way they can feel alive. The only way they can still go on while enduring the continuous wounds caused by reality. So they get closer. Until there's no space between them. Their bodies become sleek with sweat. But they don't care. If anything, they try to get even closer.

They're restless, and hasty. Neither cares about slowing down or drawing it out. They can't afford luxuries like that. Months of staying away from each other has made them hungry. They're drawn to each other like addicts are drawn to narcotics. They can't calm down until they're united in the most intimate way. Until they're breathing into each other, tasting each other's sweat, rooted so deep inside where no one else has ever touched.

They don't have any fixed rules about who will top. They don't care about such trivial things. Sometimes it's Sasuke. Sometimes Naruto. What matters is that they've both marked each other to their deepest core. A right they've only given the other. A territory of the other's body that only they possess. A silent promise that says they still belong only to each other.

They don't speak words of love. Because both of them know what the consequences will be. It's enough that they know. Saying it out in the open would be too much. More than either of them can bear.

So they let their bodies speak in their place.

Every touch is a _'Missed you'_. Every kiss is a _'Love you'_. And every thrust screams _'You are mine'_.

And when they're done, they indulge themselves a few more minutes of being wrapped around each other and just _feeling_. Who knows when they'll get the chance to be like this again? Reality lurks right outside the door of their shared cabin and they close their eyes to pretend it's not there.

But you can't keep your eyes closed forever.

After all, they're the ones who chose this path for themselves. They chose to fulfill each other's dream, by killing the one they'd dreamt of together.

And now they have to live with it.

Yet, some tiny part of that shared dream still lives on inside their hearts. And that's what brings them back to this deserted cabin in the middle of the forest, in a world of genjutsu created by the sharingan holder. They know when they go back they'll both be tormented with guilt. For deceiving their families, for dishonoring the responsibilities they've taken upon themselves.

But they also know that they'll come back here. Again and again. To seek refuge in each other's arms. To forget reality and get lost in their own heaven.

Because it's the only way they can _live_.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading guys! XD

Lemme know what you think! And if you want, you can check out my other Sasunaru fics ('Animals' and 'Innocent Ride') too! ^_^


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